5 Tips for Healing a Broken Heart
“The Broken Hearted are the bravest among us because they dared to love.” This Brenee Brown quote is one of my favorites. It reminds me that love and heartbreak are human experiences. I have worked with many who beat themselves up after a breakup, stating they were fools and will never love again. They are actually courageous, vulnerable, and loving individuals.
Heartbreak is not limited to the end of a romantic relationship; it can be unrequited love, the death of a loved one, or unmet expectations we have of others. While heartache is personal, below are some strategies that can be helpful on our path toward healing. I wish I could say that if you follow these steps, your heartache will be gone, but as the adage goes, “Time heals all wounds.” This saying has been around for years simply because, in part, it is true. We need to give our brains time to adjust to the new set of rules that do not include the lost loved one. I believe that heartbreak can be the catalyst for reflection, gratitude, and growth. So here are a few thoughts to remember; I hope they will also be the ray of light during your dark time.
Feel your feelings, but don’t get stuck!
We often want to move through the most painful feelings quickly, often tricking ourselves into believing we can beat the hurt. But unless we truly experience and process feeling the pain, as difficult as it may seem at times, it will stay with us. It is important to recognize and pay attention to our emotions. We can use several strategies to move through our emotions, such as journaling, talking with a trusted person, and yes, even crying (see also blog about coping with difficult feelings). Giving ourselves control over what we fear will swallow us whole decreases the hold it has on us. On the other hand, we may want to sulk in our sadness, grief, disappointment, and blame, but if we stay here forever, we only hurt ourselves more.
Stay Connected!
And I don’t mean on social media! While taking some individual time to be reflective and process our feelings is important, it is just as important to be with others and continue to have life experiences. Healing happens when we laugh, have fun, and feel connected to people and our world. Remember, it is not the quantity of those around you but the quality. Surround yourself with people who are positive, supportive, and caring. Choose family and friends who are good listeners so you are not inundated with unwanted advice. Be okay with setting boundaries and letting people know what you need. There may be times when you want to talk and others when you don’t, honor that.
Say yes!
When a loved one invites you to meet up, say yes! Be open to having new and unique experiences. Brainstorm experiences or new hobbies you have always wanted to try. Register for a dance or art class, volunteer at the local animal shelter, or explore a new city. Cultivating experiences that are all your own, as opposed to previously shared, promotes individual growth. It also decreases the likelihood of being reminded of the past.
Practice grace, gratitude, and compassion!
Practicing gratitude helps us cultivate good feelings, such as joy and happiness. The idea is to identify what we have in the present moment rather than what we do not. You will soon notice yourself automatically noticing the positive aspects of a situation or your life, even in the most challenging times.
Begin by noticing three things each day that you are grateful for. Today, I am grateful for 1) my hot morning coffee, 2) the client who made me laugh with her warm and witty sense of humor, and 3) hearing that a loved one feels better after an accident.
Compassion for yourself during this time is imperative. Be patient with yourself as you go through this process. Each day will feel different and maybe a roller-coaster at first, but this won’t necessarily last. You will find yourself smiling again. If you feel down and frustrated, gently and nonjudgmentally remind yourself this is just a moment, and it will pass.
Ask for help; it is okay!
When going through challenging times, don’t go through it alone. You are not weaker because you ask for help from friends, family, or even a professional. There is no timeline for healing a broken heart, so NO, you shouldn’t be over it by now. Having your person, someone you trust, whom you can just talk to and create your own story of understanding about the situation is incredibly healing.